A Great Day

Today was such a good day that I just had to post something about it.

I went to school, and ended up meeting this cool girl Jenn at my house afterward. We ended up chillin' for a bit, and then left to explore Golden Gate Park. I mean, it's a block away, and until today I had yet to explore it.

We walked every nook and cranny of the park, and then into the Richmond all the way up to Geary. When we got thirsty, we stopped for drinks. When we got hungry, we stopped for sushi.

The walk back was quicker, because we both had to pee, and it was getting cold! We did finally return though, and evacuated our bladders happily.

The homework load at SFSU is definitely a little more intense than at De Anza.

Two years and Counting.



PS, this is a long shot, but Katie P, if you are reading this I got a new phone, and no longer have your number or any way to contact you. Please update me, I MISS YOU!!

Spoken Word Inspiration

As I sat this morning waiting for my first class, on my Birthday, at SFSU, this came pouring out of me... I just had to write it down.

I sit here at the finish line, but yet to start,
I learn these skills to flex my knowledge, it's my art
form.
I am not the norm of what you'd find in the dorms,
my brain storms with memories of past experience.
And my victory comes the day of deliverance of the grades.
All A's is what I pray, and I'll work my ass off, take the cast off my brain,
to see that day.
Wordsmiths writing, thinkers thinking, the chalk is ready, drunks are drinking.
All is in it's place, and I'll soon be in your face.
The rest is up to me...
I set the bar with the best, to test these,
thoughts and memories of what once was...
I dropped the gloves, and put my weak half in check
My strong version took the wheel, and I demand respect.
I wrecked my old ways to prepare for new days, nothing will phase the thought rays
that I omit and display.
And while times change, I refuse to stay the same.
Adapt, evolve, and roll with the punches, in this life there ain't no free lunches,
and it's too damn easy to turn our lives into dungeons.
Misery loves company, and many get trapped.
I made a pact with myself to never again be attacked, and now I know how to act.
I'm here to win, not to be a victim of the system,
A fresh start, finally comfortable inhabitin' the skin I'm in.

Who would've thought...

... That with as little time as I've had since i started this new job, that my next post would be during work. Ha!

I'm sitting on a bench, in the middle of an elementary school, in Corte Madera, CA. As I sit, I am waiting for a sales guy named Lou to finish his survey of the school's A/C units. This mobile blog is saving me from sitting alone and bored in this idle time.

Boy was the ride here interesting... Got lost twice but I did make it after all. I was so stressed out I had to stop and center myself for a moment. Back to earth I came.

I have been sitting here for at least an hour, and so many little children have helped to snap me out if my "funk". Kids are so amazing to watch, they are care-free and mostly happy all of the time. A train of about 30 kids all passed me and they were breath-taken by the ladder that I sit here guarding until Lou comes down. I say breath-taken because 6 or 7 of them made a BiG deal over something as simple as a ladder! A couple of em even asked me if it was mine, and got all excited when I said "yes". I find this truly beautiful and amazing.

It is so easy to forget the innocence that we all once had as kids, because to survive in this harsh world, most innocence is washed out and scrubbed off as we learn the way the world works as we get older.

I've grown up so much over the last month I am amazing myself. However today all it took today for me to FREAK out was getting lost. These kids brought me back to earth, and I thank God for them! It is going to be a wonderful day!

Change is rampant.

Change has been the theme of the past couple of months in my life. Major change. This train has jumped it's tracks, and it's heading in yet again, a new direction.

Friday night my father propositioned me. He stated that he'd have an opening for a job within his company, paying significantly higher than I make at the bike shop now. Well this was like a gift from Heaven if you ask me... and I took it.

I gave Bill Sr. my letter of resignation, and apologized for leaving when I am. I told him my reasoning, and he responded emotionally instead of logically. Pretty much how I anticipated it. He says I'm leaving a huge void and that I'm screwing them... when in all reality I'm trying to fill the void he ripped in my heart a year ago on that faithful day. Having a father-figure tell you to go F yourself is not fun, in fact, it hurts badly.

I've adopted a new philosophy. The 90/10 principle. This principle simply states that 10% of what happens to you in your life is completely unavoidable.. some would call it fate. The remaining 90% is how you deal with the circumstances of that fateful 10%. This philosophy teaches that you can blame your problems on other people for as long as you want to, but you can't learn and grow until you come to a certain understanding. That is, that your problems are yours for a reason... because you created them.

I am ready for new things, new experiences, new people, new friends.

TWX for now, SF soon. My state of mind has changed. I'm almost at peace. 6 more work days. Wish me luck.

Guess Who!

"Time will continue without you,
so in the end, it's not about you,
but what did you do
and who do you love,
beside you,
besides you..."

Very powerful words spoken by my man Jack Johnson... these words have stuck with me in my mind.

I also had a very good discussion with a buddy of mine the other day about the wars we're fighting presently. He was in the millitary, and served a year in Iraq, and he said, "it is very intimidating fighting an enemy who doesn't care if he lives or dies..." Those words have not left my head ever since he uttered them...

I must figure out how to change the world. I will stop at nothing.

Spontanious Memories and Dad's

About a month ago I received an email from the Catalyst Club in Santa Cruz, like I do every month. I read that Dredg will be playing with Good Hustle sometime in May, and I know one of GH's members. I kept telling Ben that I'd go see them play, because the sound amazing as I have heard online. Time went on, and things came up, and I lost track thinking about the show. "Oh well" was all I thought...

Fast forward.
Thursday, technically yesterday at the present time, but it still feels like today. An old good friend, Justin, or just "Dad" as we call him, calls me with about a half hour left in my shift. He says, "Hey buddy, you wanna go see Dredg tonight at the Catalyst?

Instantly I said, "Why yes sir, I do." And it was on.

Proof reading is for suckers.

J bought my ticket for me, because I agreed to drive, so entry didn't even put a dent in my wallet. Nice. We got in and I finally got to see my buddy Ben play with Good Hustle, and the rocked the house! That sure sounds corny, but seriously, they had amazing energy and funky sounds. Nice.

Then Dredg came on. Seriously, they were so awesome live. They played "Bug Eyes", "Catch Without Arms", and "Same 'Ol Road", my favorites. After a rather interesting day, a loooooong day, it felt so good to speed over highway 17, listen to amazing music, and speed home with a good friend that I miss spending time with. Time changes, things change, that's life. Sorry, but that's life. People come in and out, and around, and back, and forward, and away, and even sideways. Life brings us in different directions, but sometimes it steers us back.

Good friends, good memories... let the good times roll baby!

iBlog

Just got a blog app for the iPhone.... Sweet sweet bloggyness on the go.

More to come... Stand by.

Cinco De Moustache

May is here kids, May is surely here. Today is Cinco de Mayo, nothing special if you ask me considering that the Mexican Independence day is actually September 15th...... Maybe some are just trying to boost Corona sales!

Where is my head at? Hmmmm, that's a good question. Well to start, I FINALLY fixed my dad's bike today, after weeks of fighting it, and I must say that that feels good.
My Sharks are 3-0 versus DETROIT, which is amazing! I only hope that they can finish in a 4-0 sweep and get some good rest, because Lord know's we'll need it for the next round against........ (my guess, Chicago)

School.

School has never been my friend. This quarter is testing me. One class, and I feel like I have ten. Accounting surely is a demon I can't wait to exorcise! I will be strong, and I will see it through.

Each day, I get closer to SF, and now I'm just ecstatic. I literally cannot wait to get out of this place. It's not that I'm running from anything at all either, which feels good. It's just that I've been more or less a full time resident of SJ my entire life. Yes I will miss this city, and yes I'll miss my friends, but I'm ready to move on, and grow more into a man... on my own.

I am very thankful for the friends that I have, and the ones who have helped me to feel better about myself. You all have done me a service that is priceless to me. Thank you for your help so far, but I've got a long road to walk down, and i'm halfway there.
I actually watched a good movie last night, "She's out of your League". The message was well worth sitting at the drive-in with whiners in the back seat.

As for now, I think I'll just relax a bit, and try to sleep earlier than normal. I keep telling myself to swim with the current and not against it... but your own advice is always the hardest to take!

Still Searching...

Well, I guess I shouldn't say I'm actively "searching". I guess it's that I'm more in a holding pattern, just kind of waiting to see what comes next. Don't get me wrong, I can be a patient person at times, but for now my patience has run out, and I'm done waiting for others to make moves. I'll just wait this one out, and keep my eyes open like I always do.

Who were you?? I saw you at school today, twice. I don't know why I did not say "Hi". I guess I was scared. Didn't know how to approach, or maybe it was that I did, and I was just afraid to use the social tools I've developed. I've spent a good deal of time working these skills, and when the opportune moment comes, I freeze. Too much fear. Too much fear. Nix that fear, It helps nothing except the negative forces that it is generated from. Tomorrow I won't make the same mistake, I'll say "Hi."

My mental gears have shifted. I am no longer content living in a world where peoples actions are swept under the rug simply because "that's the way it goes", or "that's how THEY are". I don't care. I just don't care any more. Like I said, my patience has run out, and it's time to make changes yet again. Someone once told me, "be the change you wish to see in the world." I know that's a famous quote, but the way it was said to me made me feel as if it was written specifically for me. Too much time has been spent talking about things. If I ever want to reach my destiny I had better sack up now before it's too late, and they leave me behind.

I know they are watching, always watching. Calculating moves,placing me in situations just to see how I'll react. I know this because you've told me, you've made your presence known, and I appreciate it. It validates my philosophies, and speculations. I appreciate the signs you give me every day, even though at times I blatantly disregard them. I look forward to another visit, I know it's coming soon, my soul is pulling me in your direction again.

I must say this clearly. If you've stood in my way previously, you had better watch out. If you've dragged me around, well I'm sorry I just don't have time for your nonsense any more. If you've wronged me, Karma is real. An eye for an eye does make the whole world blind, but I'm not a vengeful person. The Golden Rule is to Treat others how you wish to be treated. In fact it's the central basis for EVERY religion. Then the religions stem off, and choose sides, and turn us against ourselves. It's time to lift the "veil of ignorance" and prove to this planet that we are one race, the human race. It's time to grow up and learn to live by the Golden Rule.

So like I said, I'm not going to get revenge, I'm just gonna play the game your way, treating you the way you've asked me to treat you with your actions. Let's see how you like it.

This may all seem dark and dreary, but for the past almost two weeks I haven't blogged, this has all been brooding. God, it feels good to release it through these fingers I've been blessed with. It's a beautiful day outside, and Tucker wants to play.

Life is as good as you make it.

Dear Blog.

I swear I have a juicy update coming. I promise. I just don't have time right now.

Love,

Sean

Welcome Back.

Hey there Sean, so nice to see you again. You had left on a rather quick note, and I'm glad you've returned in one piece.

How does this happen? Why do I let it happen, because I know I can comfortably say that this was not the first time I "went off the deep end". I mean, I couldn't even sit with close friends and enjoy an entire roller derby match. I ran. I flew.

Highway 17. A meditative road to say the least. A 2008 Honda Element, stock, flew that road in just about fifteen minutes. It was as if I felt like I was a walking zombie, some negative forces sucking the life from me. It took a near car wreck to make me feel alive again. To interject real quick... have you ever been driving and thought what it would feel like just to run your car off of the road? To put yourself at the mercy of the forces that control your surroundings? Weird feeling to know, that at any time, one could end it all. But here we are, here I am. Doing what needs to be done. I will not ram the barrier, I will not jump the guard rail. I will not take the easy way.

Thank God for good friends who understand when you gotta go, you just gotta GO. Also for the friends I have that know how to reel me in when I've swum too far out to sea. Thank you, you mean more to me than you know.

No one can beat me, only myself. I keep letting my mind win. Its too easy to point the finger when you feel someone is the cause of your problems. Just remember that when you point the finger, there are always three pointed back at you.

Go with the flow, float the river, now that I'm back, my opponents will quiver.

984 Days. Can we turn this mess around?

Reflections.

I have to say the past two days have been awesome. Great times with my family, and great times with friends.

Last night was especially fun. I was relaxing with P and M at P's dad's house. They were all watching baseball which isn't really my forte. Then the text came...

"We want you here" was all it said.

So I went.

K, D, and myself met at Starbucks and the fun began.

"WE'RE GONNA GET RAPED! WHAT ARE YOU DOING??"
"WHERE ARE YOU TAKING US??"

Classic. I just can't get enough, I say.

Miracle Mountain. Garden State moments. Good times. Really good times. I wouldn't trade these impulsive experiences for anything. Thank you for that.

Then we left. K jumped on 85 and I was hesitant because I knew where we would end up. It was already 11PM and I had school at 9:30 this morning, yet they did as well. We were in it together. We actually made it to Capitola in about 35 minutes. Great theraputic drive, great music, great friends. I'm glad we went.

This morning was actually much too easy to get up for school. My mind is my enemy sometimes. I almost sabotaged our fun, just to come home and probably stay up until about the same time I went to bed. Like I said, I'm glad we went.

I'm gonna destroy this Accounting class, and make it sorry it intimidated me.

All I know is that I really want to see those pictures from last night!

Sean... OUT.

Questions

When?

Where?

Why?

Who?

How?

These questions plague my mind.

...I'm learning patience the hard way.


One thing I must say is that lately I've taken to giving thanks for all the goodness that has come my way lately. I mean, I've always thought of myself as a thankful person, but now I've taken to staring at the sky (preferably at night) and thanking God and the Cosmos for bringing new things/situations my way. All in all, I am thankful.

It feels as if I spent much too long swimming against the current of life. Now I'm just going with the flow, as I'd like to see where it takes me. Sometimes though, it feels as if the current is pulling me under. I try my hardest to tread water, but at times I feel weak, and slip under. I pray for the strength to pull myself to shore and catch my breath.

I must say though, this blog is theraputic. Presently, I'm sitting in a room with close friends and family, and the blog pulled me in. Just a quickie.

I have answers to many ailments, but at the end of the day there is always questions.

The Wrangler Islander

The 1989 Jeep Wrangler Islander... my first car.

Bright yellow, with a sun on each side, and the hood as well... Quite possibly the silliest looking vehicle I'll ever own.

But man, I love that car! I miss driving her. At the end of our precious four years together I relinquished my keys to purchase my new 2008 Honda Element. Thank you dad for buying that Jeep back, and allowing me to drive it.

Today I woke up with plans to go bike riding before the storm. My dad asked me to install the new seatbelts he got for the Jeep. I said, "ok", and went to work. While I was working, Pops came out and told me that since he never gets the chance to drive her, He'd need me to take her out at least once a week. I got her back!

The first belt took at least 30 minutes. Time spent fighting stuck bolts, and trying to figure out how the heck these straps were installed. The second belt was installed in no time.
Checkpoint 1.

Then I decided that since the Jeep was drivable again, I'd go for an adventure with a friend, M. I went to start the car - nothing. She's dead.
I hopped in the Ellie, and drove to Kragen to get a battery. (Hey D, I just named my car! Ellie the Element hah!)

Kragen Auto Parts. Weird place. I feel that every time I go there. The cashier, Alan, was funny though, cracked a joke and made me laugh. $185 later, and a top-notch battery, the Jeep ran for another time.
Checkpoint 2.

As soon as she ran I was excited and was itching to leave as soon as possible. Pops advised to check the fluids... and ALL of them were just about gone! Time does wild things to cars. She sat for a few months...

Kragen Auto Parts. Round Two.
Mike was with me this time, thank God. I needed moral support as I stood in the pouring rain, drizzling oil and anti freeze into my engine. M says, "Why didn't you get a funnel?"

I replied, "funnels are for suckers, I don't need a funnel."

5 Minutes later I made my third purchase of the day at Kragen... A large funnel. M laughed at me. Good times.
Checkpoint 3.

The cruise began. I set the tunes to Sage Francis. The beat was bumping, the rain was pounding, and the conversation was uplifting. Good day with friends. I was trying to mess with the stereo and accidentally set it to shuffle. Good mistake. Queens of the Stone Age - "Mexicola". Good song to find on shuffle.

Drove the Jeep through Los Gatos, and back to Campbell. M saw "Psycho Donuts" and we stopped.

"Would you like some bubble wrap?" She says.

"Sure, why not..." was my reply.

Psycho looking donuts, and bubble wrap. I can dig this.
Checkpoint 4.

Drove back through the side streets, and wound up cruising the strip of Willow Glen on Lincoln Ave. The sharks began to play, and we heard their first two goals on the road, in the car. Dan Rusanowski pumps me up!

I dropped M off at his car, and I returned home again.
Checkpoint 5.

Back at home now, sitting in my room, with the game on in the background. Dinner is cooking, and my brothers will all be here tonight for dinner.

I have to admit, this is the best Easter I've had in years! I didn't wake up still drunk from the night before, like some holidays, because I cancelled those plans and had an awesome time with D last night instead. Charlie Brown and the Chocolate Factory. Good-ness. Helped K provide Easter for the kiddies, and went for a short adventure full of last minute lane changes! I swear I don't always drive that badly, I swear. Seriously though... I'm a good driver.

I digress.

The Sharks are on, good vibes. Nabby is hot tonight.

Life is good.

For now I'll enjoy the rest of Easter. Tomorrow, back to school for the last quarter I'll ever be at De Anza. Time to "grow up". Not time to "sell out". There is a difference.

Women, and Cocaine Cowboys.

Where is the love? Where is the trust?

Yeah Yeah...

Rap this to yourself... It'll make you feel good. I'm just going to type what comes across my mind and see how it turns out.....



9:11 is the time, and I'm feelin' fine,
gotta clear my mind, so I spend some time - writin'.
I ain't gonna lie, I been fightin'.
I open up my eyes and I see lightnin' - it's kinda frightnin'.
I let it free flow from the top of the dome, no beat, bring it home.
I don't drive a tricked out car, studded in chrome
but I'm slowly brewin' somethin in my head, I'm brainstorming a Tome.
If you listen to a single word I said, it all led, to a special place.
The secret to life is so sublime, it's right in front of your face.
We cover up its meaning with our mind, and take a place, in line.
The factory is stewin', cookin' carbon copies, urban soldiers, fed lies by the news.
I opened up my eyes, and I refuse to chose to lose.
I popped a fuse and now I'm out to get the ones who made me feel like I SHOULD lose.
I check my head once, twice, make sure It's screwed on tight,
I wouldn't want to lose what's locked inside from petty fright,
Cuz when it's time to fight, my light shines bright,
I'll make it right.

Return to the computer.

Here I am. Back again at the computer for another time. 1:01 AM is the current time.

I feel very peaceful in this moment. A sense of happiness, knowing today was such a good day on various levels. To illustrate why I appreciate today I'm going to write a list of reasons today was one for the record books.

• Preston and Myself had an extremely good conversation.
  
• Written/spoken expression of the mind.
• Freestyles, freestyles, and more freestyles.
  
• Messages in the sand, complete with recipients as well.
  
• Ocean.
• Coco the dog.
• Clam strips on the Wharf @ Gildas.
  
• Parking validation on the Wharf for locals only... which we got :)
  
• Collaboration with Norm and Mike.
• Driving very fast on 101 N.
• The scenery on Highway 1.
• The return home.

I never do this. I never put a list down of all the reasons a day has been good. It feels great to look at all the things that can be done in one day, yet we live so quick-like, in the way that we think... well, at least I do.

I guess growing up with the internet, TV, ON DEMAND, youtube, etc, makes you numb to what life is really about. I need more days like today, where I can release the stress of living in the city amongst the congestion, confusion, and negativity. Santa Cruz has such a laid back attitude, you can feel the energy as you enter. It all changes while driving over the hill. SC is a good place to go release stress while relaxing on the beach.

Tomorrow will be a day completely opposite of today's vibe.

GET BACK TO WORK KID, THIS IS REALITY!

I am thankful though, that I did get approved on my health insurance that I applied for. Yeeeeee!

Why Hockey Represents Life.

I've been mulling this over in my head a while and I just have to put it down so I don't lose it.

Hockey is an exact representation of life to me.

Let me preface this by saying that I was never much a fan for sports when I was a kid. I mean I played badminton in high school for a while, but other than that I could care less.

As a youngster I played basketball, but it was never fun.
Something I lacked in the "drive" department maybe. I just didn't see the fun in it?

As I've gotten older though, man that's weird to say, I've come to enjoy hockey. The San Jose Sharks especially.

Maybe it's that I'm still a little high from the energy of tonight's game. Going always gets me jacked up! Especially tonight after a rough losing streak, to get a shut out... Great feeling for a fan.

To see all those players, and the way they carry themselves.
Gracefully gliding and colliding with each other.
Thus is life.

In hockey you might think you're hot stuff. That you've got game.
One moment later you could be crushed into the boards by an inferior player because you aren't paying enough attention to him.

You might be having a rough night and catch a stick or puck to the face.

Some nights, you're hot. You feel it. You're wrists have the power to send the crowd into an uproarious outburst of applause. You choose to pass to a friend, and score. Still a winning situation. The crowd goes wild.

Other nights you feel down and out. You've tried your best and you still can't get that break..

You have a sure goal on your stick, but you find a way to screw it up somehow.

Bad pass - turnover - opposing team, goal.

You could be struggling to keep your feet under you, but then you get that one shot, that... golden opportunity. Put it in the net. Slam it home.
Live in that moment... that, bliss.

You see in life, you're always looking for that golden opportunity.
I'm looking for it.
If you're not, well then I'm sorry for you.

Tell the people in your life how much you love them.
Because in an instant they could be gone.
Just like your lead in the hockey game.
In a split second... it all changes.

My Gift to You World.

Thrice - Stare At The Sun - Music Video - Click here for funny video clips

Great Song.

Courage To Grow

My ADD is kicking in, and i'm having a hard time focusing on this ECON crud right now... so I'll digress a minute.

This song has been playing in my head ALL day long. Rebelution is sooooo good. Give it a listen.


Courage To Grow by Rebelution

This is a song for those
who lost their hope
a long a long time ago
I know someday that you will find it somehow
Because you're not too old
to accomplish goals
and all the answers are within your soul
its up to you, you gotta figure it out
Uh huh

Whether you want love or money
Good fortune or fame
You want a brand new card
You want the world to change
You better take some action right now, oh yes
Because there's nothing in the world that you can't get
So don't fill your life with confusion and regret
You better take some chances right now

Well you can gain the world
but for the price of your soul
yes I know, well I know, yes I know
you can gain the world for the price of your soul
but I hope you take the road less traveled
and I hope you find the courage to grow
well I hope you find the courage to grow

So now you're 45
and you realize
just what you wanna do with your life
just took some time for you to figure it out
Cause everyone one of us
Has a purpose here
Sometimes its hidden underneath your fear
Just takes some time for the truth to come out

So whether you want love or money
Good fortune or fame
You want a brand new card
You want the world to change
You better take some action right now, oh yes
Because there's nothing in the world that you can't get
So don't fill your life with confusion and regret
You better take some chances right now

Well you can gain the world
but for the price of your soul
yes I know, well I know, yes I know
you can gain the world for the price of your soul
but I hope you take the road less traveled
and I hope you find the courage to grow
well I hope you find the courage to grow

Blog Therapy

Ahhhhh... Done with studying, again, for now.

Time to go to work for a few hours.

Then it's back home to re-fill my head with lots of economically businessey information.

Is businessey a word... probably not.

Good thing I'm not an English major.

Just typing away at the 'ol blog is doing wonders,

The stress of studying melting away.

Today I'll go to work happy,

That I still have a job in these interesting economic times.

Fix some bikes.

Restore some smiles.

Live another day.

Blog Therapy....

It works wonders.

Recruiting...

My friend Chester called me today on my way home from school.
We decided we'd go to lunch, and chill out for a while.

We found ourselves at Sushi Factory,
and proceeded to eat until I felt as if I'd pop.
I don't like that feeling,
but I do like good friends.
Good friends always remain.

Two seats over were a couple of US Marine recruiters.
The closest one to me must have been the teacher,
because his phone kept ringing,
and he gave the speech.
The speech those men give over and over.
"What you're doing is cool,
but what we have to offer is much better.
Do you think you have what it takes?" He asks his victims.

The sad thing is, when he'd hang up...
it was if he'd made his next trophy.
The look on his face was that of,
"Hey look Bob, I got another one".
And the teacher proceeded to tell the student,
how to pitch The Marines.
Like we're just fish,
waiting to be hooked, willingly or Un
To earn more profits for the rich,
In the "War on Terror".

But life is rich in it's own way.
To step outside ones self for a moment and look back,
to see a different person than you thought you knew.
"That's me?"
"That's how I act?"
We need to change this.
I need to change this.

So I change, I...
Evolve.
Into a better human.
A better version of myself.
I know the best is yet to come.

Heavy Thought.

Have you ever felt like you have the key to the world's problems?
The solution to every ailment known?
It's an interesting feeling, when you feel like an Alien on your own planet.
Why are we as humans so hellbent on destroying our earth, and each other?
Why do we treat each other with such blatant disrespect?
Why do we kill each other because we think we don't believe in the same thing?
When and where did we go wrong?

The solution to this problem is so simple,
but sometimes simplicity is the most confusing thing to our ignorant minds...
and the easiest way to hide something, is to put it right out in the open.
"How could that be the truth?" one might ask.
"How could it be that simple?"
"I do not believe you... I choose to believe what they tell me."

They what a terrible word...
That word is so overly used to generalize the oppressors of this great Nation, and great Earth.
They is a generalization used to shift the responsibility we hold onto the unseen creators of this epic dilemma.
If We band together as humans, and forget the race/creed/sexual orientation/etc. that "sets us apart from one another", We will learn to take our future into our own hands, assuming responsibility for our collective fate.

I see so many lost souls every day, feeding into the negative forces that have taken control of our world, and most don't even know it.
That is a scary feeling.
WAKE UP!
Please wake up... for the good of Us as One.

I see my dog, man's best friend.
He loves me no matter what, unconditionally.
No matter how weird or rough my day is, I always know he's there waiting for me.
The warm welcome home. God, I love that dog.
Its kind of funny though that Man's best friend is Dog.
What is Dog spelled backwards?
Yes this sounds a bit preachy, but hey, God should be our best friend.
We know nothing, yet we pretend every day.
We define ourselves by suffixes like PHD and MD, without really knowing ourselves.

I call The One Creator, God, because that is the word I am comfortable using.
I believe that there is something beautiful, and God-Like in every human being on this planet.
We have just been taught to cover it up,
and discard it.
We've been taught that people are evil, and can't be helped.
BS is what I declare to this! BS!

People, let me tell you this.
We are heavenly beings, sent to this planet,
To save our earth, and to save ourselves.
Open your minds to love.

You are never wrong in what you believe, and what you believe should not cast anyone aside.
We are all confused souls trying to figure out the answers to the great questions of life.
I believe we are one mind, and we've created this catastrophe ourselves by standing by silently, with apathy.
Call me crazy, or a hippie, or an insane person... call me what you will.
But I believe in Love, and I believe it is love that will save us.

I am thankful for every person in my life, whether I like them or not. Without these people, good and bad, I would be nothing. They have helped me to see. I am thankful for you.

I have given everything on this planet the only meaning that it has with my mind.

The power of thought.

Calm and Cool

The Ocean,
Endless abyss, too deep to explore.
But what if I just swim awhile?

Have you seen the TV series Planet Earth?
So amazing!
This planet has so much to offer,
but we're destroying it...
and it's inhabitants.


I am going to sleep now,
to dream of bikes, and beauties.
I rest my head in content.

The Bike Shop

Sometimes the thrill of seeing a five year old boy ride his bike is totally worth it.
Some days I'm just not up for it.
To me, a bike shop is one of the happiest places on earth,
so full of potential.
Some lost souls know how to corrupt anything though,
and that's why I'll say I can prove you wrong.
I see much more to life than what's shown on the surface.
So I take solace in knowing, that I do help, in my own way...
He told me so, through a stranger I knew for all of five minutes.
I am proud of myself.
I may be a "wrench", but I'm not a "tool"
and I will not let this dream die,
like so many would hope.
I keep my wheels turning, and find my Zen
In the bike shop.
Whether prying eyes like it or not,
I'll help people in my own way,
and take the heat for it later.
You can't corrupt me.


I woke up today, and felt really heavy with the burden of having to go to work for the same man again. However today I will not feel victimized, because you're only a victim until you take charge. I tried that once, but it didn't work out so well. So for now, I'm gonna keep pressing, and keep helping people in the best way I know how. I'll keep selling bicycles, and I'll keep people coming back, but for some reason, I'll also keep getting problems for the way I work.

Like I mentioned in that short poem above (which by the way just kinda poured out really quickly) I met a woman about a year ago. I was having a horrid day, and she looked at me and said, "Hey son, What's your name?"

I quickly turned around and said "Sean, How are you?"

May I digress for one second, as to inform you that this encounter took place in the post office. I had a package to send to Denmark, and this little old lady had about ten packages going to Africa, China, France and so on...

The nice old lady did not tell me her name, she just closed her eyes and pointed her nose at the ceiling, took a deep breath and said in a drawn out manner, "Sean, God is very proud of you. He see's what you do every day, and he smiles at your heart. It is not your circumstances that define you, it's how you deal with them."

That moment was one of the single best of my life. Almost a sense of validation that I needed in a weak time. When I feel weak, I remember that lady, and what she said to me. I wonder if she knows she's an Angel? She impacted my life greatly that day, and I am thankful for her.

So, for now, I'll go to my post, paste on a smile, and keep myself happy with thoughts of my new friends. I am ever so greatful for them, they keep my life fresh, and bright. I wish I could spend more time with them, I really do. But for now, I'm off to the bike shop... to find my Zen.

I also have to get this out really fast, because now I'm gonna be late... I really miss the presence of K in my life right now. She helped me so much, and then, BOOM, in a flash, I had to stop contact, for now. It sucks though, when someone you love and respect as a person, can not be contacted. I miss you K, if you read this just know that I can't wait to talk and hang again. I've known a couple of my best friends the shortest time of all my friends. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Success.

Bike Party. Oh yes, what a ride. It's been a while since I have ridden with 2000 + other people.
I'm actually writing from the shop computer at the moment while I wait for Dom and her friend to get here to check it out!

Jack Johnson's "Cookie Jar" has been in my head lately ever since I picked up my guitar again. The lyrics are amazing... this is actually one of the two songs I know how to play/sing on guitar... not that I'm amazing or anything.

"Cookie Jar"
I would turn on the TV but it's so embarrassing
To see all the other people I don't know what they mean
And it was magic at first when they spoke without sound
But now this world is gonna hurt you better turn that thing down
Turn it around

"It wasn't me", says the boy with the gun
"Sure I pulled the trigger but it needed to be done
Cause life's been killing me ever since it begun
You cant blame me cause I'm too young"

"You can't blame me sure the killer was my son
But I didn't teach him to pull the trigger of the gun
It's the killing on this TV screen
You cant blame me its those images he's seen"

Well "You can't blame me", says the media man
Well "I wasn't the one who came up with the plan
I just point my camera at what the people want to see
Man it's a two way mirror and you cant blame me"

"You can't blame me", says the singer of the song
Or the maker of the movie which he based his life on
"It's only entertainment and as anyone can see
The smoke machines and makeup and you cant fool me"

It was you it was me it was every man
We've all got the blood on our hands
We only receive what we demand
And if we want hell then hell's what we'll have

And I would turn on the TV
But it's so embarrassing
To see all the other people
I don't even know what they mean
And it was magic at first
But it let everyone down
And now this world is gonna hurt
You better turn it around
Turn it around

-JJ


Have an excellent night world!!

LYRICS!

YO YO YO YO YO..... Hah, last week I started writing a new song... here's a snippet of the lyrics.

You created the storm, the wind, and the rain
now you complicate it more, with the thoughts in ya brain.
Rap is not a pyramid scheme, its an art,
your vision is clouded and you don't know where to start.
So lets kick it off fresh man, come up with a new plan,
get up and take a stand, and try to meet the demand
of your soul.
I've been fighting tryna make myself whole
but I lost a piece in the process,
I was makin' progress, but the stress knocked me down.
I woke up this mornin' and I felt like a clown,
A piece of myself is lost and it must be found......

More to come on that matter later.

For now, I'm off to bike party.... have a safe night kids!

Hair

Today I woke up and decided,

it's time for a haircut.

The mop has gotta go, so I'll call Zohan, and see if he's free for an appt.

Peace !

Clear my Mind.

I didn't realize how beneficial this blog would be when Dominique suggested it to me.

I feel like, when there's no one else to turn to I can just jump on here and record my thoughts without judgment, because It is for myself, as I doubt anyone reads this.

Life is a very interesting game, and we each play our own every day. I feel like the web we weave is so complex sometimes, that's its hard to keep pressing, but I won't fail again.

The interesting thing is that I feel that every time I take a step forward, there is always something to push me back. In the past I've been weak, and let this happen. I will not do that any more. If people keep trying to hold me down, when I break free they will regret it. We all have to live with our choices and decisions, and mine is to take charge of my own life.

Violence is something that I like to keep restricted from my mind. It is so hard though, when every time I turn on the TV I get to see about the stabbings, and the hate, and the war, from the news. So I turned off the TV. I keep myself peaceful, but I've come to a fork in the road, and I don't know which way to turn. I guess I'll let others make their moves first, and hope for the best. I pray that this will blow over, because if it doesn't, well, I'm in the middle of a messy situation.

One thing I've learned about Truth though, those who tell it, will always be protected. So I have faith in myself, and in that of a greater good.

We are only put in the situations we face to learn something... and if life keeps asking you the same questions, you aren't learning your lesson. This is a new lesson for me, so I must be growing.

On a lighter note, I've been working out again, and it will be great to continue what I started. I'm going to prove to myself and to the world, that I have something special to offer.

St. Patricks Day

Today is officially the day of my Grandfather's passing years ago, and he was 100% Irish. Sometimes you have to laugh at the funny little synchronicities in life. We miss you Pop!

I've been writing a lot of great lyrics lately, I've recorded a few rough draft songs lately, and to me they sound like my best ever, and I'm proud of myself. I don't say that enough. I'm proud of myself. It feels good.

New days bring new opportunities so i felt like i could do something I haven't done in a while.

I've been in my head a lot lately,
well I guess I'm always up there.
Songs, rhymes, faces, and memories.
They keep me floating in this endless maze.
Bright lights engulf my vision,
the sky is open again.
I have found peace from within.
I have found also though,
the rain soothes me.
More so than ever before in my life.
Maybe it's that it flushes out the old,
and brings in the new.
Or maybe it's that a great storm
always makes a sunny day,
That much better.

Mondays are rough huh?

Today was an excellent day.